Some Sad News

As of my last post we were headed toward our IVF fundraising goal (very slowly I might add). So, imagine how excited I was to get a positive pregnancy test about a month ago. It was a day I will remember forever. Made even more satisfying because we had found out the day before that Jim had a vericocele (read about it here). The urologist we visited said surgery to correct it could improve his counts by 65-70%. So, we scheduled the surgery for Monday (our consultation was Thursday).

So when I woke up the next morning, a day late, I took a test and for the second time in my life it was positive. We celebrated, told our families in a creative way, and for the first time since TTC our life was absolutely perfect. I will treasure that time forever.

Our perfect life came crashing down a few days ago when I went in for an ultrasound at 8 weeks 3 days along. That's when I found the baby had stopped growing and no longer had a heartbeat.

A couple of days have passed and I am doing better than I expected. I've cried some, eaten a lot of junk food, and hugged my family more than I ever have. I always thought that if this happened to me that I would literally die. That I would not be able to pick myself up from the floor out of despair. It turns out that I am stronger than I thought.

Instead of dying or completely feeling ruined, I actually am already starting to feeling ok. This may be because I am a Mom and know that I can't let myself go there. Maybe I am protecting my daughter from such things. Or maybe it's not as bad as I imagined. Either way, we're doing ok.

I have not yet "passed" the baby. This is a bit disheartening. But, the RE who was treating me is going on vacation and can't get me in for a D&C (read about it here). I initially wanted to wait for my body to take care of things, but now that a couple of days have passed, and after doing some reading, I think I want to opt for the D&C, if I can.

I have an appointment in a few days with my OB to discuss my options. My hope is that she can take care of things before my slightly negligent RE can get back from his third vacation since I found out I was pregnant. I'll update more then. But today, I have errands to run, places to take my daughter, and some pie to eat.