I have been back and forth and up and down about IVF since insemination day. Since day 1 of TTC #2 we said that IUI was as far as we would go. This was because we thought if it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be. Also, we had 10k left in our insurance cap which would only get us one round and it seemed too daunting to imagine. Honestly, I NEVER thought that we would even get to IUI, let alone IVF.
So, now that I've had meds donated, I could get this past IUI and one IVF cycle in and still meet my insurance cap. I might even be able to get a FET in, if lucky enough to have frosties. I am SOOOOOOO confused!
As it stands now, I could definitely get 2 or 3 more IUI's with injections. Of course, with our most recent insemination numbers so low, 8 mil with 10% motile, I'm not sure if that will ever really work.
I look at how wonderful life is with just DD and me at home all day and I''m really at peace with the, "If it happens, it happens," kind of attitude.
Then there are some days that I bawl my eyes out thinking about not having another baby or seeing Emmy with a sibling.
I know that IVF would give us better odds. But, I don't think I could fathom the heartache if it didn't work. If we couldn't get KU doing the mother of all treatments, then all hope will be lost.
Why can't I just be OK with having one?! I am so tired of feeling this way and I am also tired of altering my entire life for something that should be so easy.
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